


Thank You For Letting Me (Be Myself)

by rosepose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Bodyswap, Comfort, Consent Issues, Episode: s05e12 Swap Meat, Fluff, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Homophobic Language, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misgendering, NO UNDERAGE CHARACTERS, No Sex, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28689315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosepose/pseuds/rosepose
Summary: When Sam wakes up in a new body, he has to try and figure out who he's in. Though, the answer might be a little more complicated than it seems.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Original Male Character(s), Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester & Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> After rewatching this episode, I saw an opportunity to make it more wholesome and less gross. Please accept my alternative version. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Misgendering, Consent Issues (Regarding Body Switching), Homophobic Language

_ Fionn. _

Fionn doesn’t like to meddle. Okay, that isn’t really true. But he never really _means_ to. It just happens and, admittedly, he lets it. The world hasn’t been very nice to him, so why shouldn’t he have any fun? Doesn’t he owe it to himself? This is what he thinks from behind counter at the diner in his idiotic american flag uniform, wearing a nametag that says a name that is not his. He’d tried to change it, but his manager wouldn’t let him, citing that it was too complicated to order a new one. Yeah, he’d called bullshit on that one. 

But now, here’s his chance, right in front of him. Two hunters had waltzed right into the place during his shift. He’s eavesdropping, and they’re talking about some haunting. Fionn perks up; he loves ghosts. There’s two of them, both big, denim-wearing tough guys. One of them—the one who ordered the weird salad shake—he’s doing the research right there in broad daylight. 

_This is your chance_. It’s his chance to finally try the spell. He looks at the guys again. Maybe it’s a bad idea. The pair of them do look intimidating. _Just for a day_ , he reminds himself, _Just to see what it’s like_. And he does really, really want to see what it’s like. More than anything. So he decides to do it. 

He steals their straws after they leave and stashes them in his apron. _Deep breaths._

_** __________ ** _

Fionn had the location spell memorized, but he still had to go home first for the supplies. After all, he didn’t think the opportunity would come along so soon. He’d managed to get in and out before his parents had even noticed he’d been there. He didn’t really care what they’d think when they noticed he was gone. He would be gone and off to college soon, anyway. And then, maybe he could...figure himself out. 

The compass he’s enchanted leads him into town, and he’s worried for a minute that maybe he’s done the spell wrong, but that’s when he sees him—the guy from the diner. He’s at the end of a phone call, and Fionn can make out that he’s talking about finding a burial site. “Bye, Dean,” he says. Dean. That must be the other guy’s name. Fionn creeps behind him, keeping a safe distance. His hand hovers over the dart gun stuffed into the inside of his coat. The guy walks behind a fence, into the shadows, alone. Fionn wonders for a second what that must be like, to walk around alone at night and not be scared. Fionn would definitely be more cautious if it weren’t for the fact that he’s armed. 

He stares from behind the fence, and Fionn realizes that the guy must be onto him, because he turns his head to look around. Fionn ducks, waiting. He gets the dart gun out and loads it, holding his breath. His mind is racing and he’s thinking, “ _What the fuck am I doing?_ ” But still, he watches the guy closely, waiting for him to let his guard down. Then, on impulse—because he’d still half-expected himself to chicken out and leave, no harm done, fantasy explored—he fires the dart. 

_Shit._

Fionn ducks again, and the guy looks around, confused, before falling backwards. 

No turning back now. 

_** __________ ** _

**__** _Sam._

When Sam wakes up, his head hurts, and his body is sore. He tries to take a breath, but it’s shallow. He feels... _weird_. Something is definitely wrong. He grabs at his neck, expecting for there to be a wound where the dart hit him, but there’s nothing. He groans, standing. 

He’s in the same place he was when he got knocked out. Only, he didn’t know _why_ he’d gotten knocked out. Or who did it. He stumbles out onto the sidewalk, looking around. He pats his stomach, looking for his phone. His pockets are empty, and he’s not wearing what he was before. He’s got a hoodie on...and two t-shirts. 

And...is he shorter? He’s a _lot_ shorter. He looks at his hands. They’re much smaller than his, and they’re a different color. So, that must mean...this body isn’t his.

Well, then who the _fuck_ has _his_ body?

He figures he should try and get back to the motel. He walks for a bit, thankful at least that all the layers he’s wearing are keeping him warm as the cold air whips against his face. He wonders if Dean will laugh when he sees him looking like a scrawny...however old he looks. A noise breaks him away from his thoughts. It’s a siren.

A police car pulls up to Sam. His first thought is maybe whoever he’s in is in trouble. Is he the poor sucker taking the fall for another person’s crime? Before he can decide what to do, the cop pulls up next to him, window rolled down.

“Nita?” the cop says. “You never came home. Your parents are worried about you.”

Parents. He probably looks like a teenager, then. He doesn’t think he could try and get away if he wanted to, not in this body, so he gives in. Maybe he should try and figure out who he’s in, anyway. “I found her,” the cop says into his walkie. Then, to Sam, “Why don’t you get in and I’ll get you home.”

Her? Sam looks down. Is he in a girl’s body? 

_** __________ ** _

**__** _Fionn._

_Woah_. Fionn knew turning into this dude would feel cool, but wow. First, he’s _tall_ , like enormously tall. And he’s muscular. He bets he could take anyone down in this body. He’s flexing his new biceps when Dean walks through the door. Fionn puts his arm down, embarrassed. 

“Sam, where have you been? You’ve been gone for hours, you haven’t picked up your phone—”

Sam. That’s this guy’s name. Fionn holds up the bag of fast food from the bed. He planned for this. “Got us some food. It’s that bacon cheeseburger from the diner earlier.”

Dean’s face softens. “Oh. Thanks, man.” Fionn smiles, partly because the food seems to sate Dean’s curiosity, and partly because he just called Fionn _man_. It’s a small thing. Honestly, it’s so stupid that he’s not sure why he’s even a little excited about it. ...It’s cool, though. “Not sure why it took two hours, but thanks.”

Fionn stares at Dean for a second too long, still caught up in the afterglow of his offhand comment. Dean looks up from the bag, having extracted his burger. “What?”

“We have to go.”

Dean blinks at him. “Go? Why?”

Fionn feels himself start to shake, so he wrings his hands to steady himself. “The maid came in and saw that,” he says as planned, pointing to the guns laid out on the bed. “And now everyone’s freaked out.”

“Dude, you let the maid in?” Dean asks incredulously. 

Fionn manages a nervous smile. “She let herself in.”

Dean groans. “Alright, fine. Let’s go.”

_** __________ ** _

**__** _Sam._

Sam tries to go to sleep in this random kid’s bed with all of his clothes on, but it’s not working. It’s _hot_ , and there’s this thing—an undergarment or whatever—that’s pressed tight against his chest. Not to mention the pants button imprinting in his skin. He wants to take them off, find some pajamas. But isn’t that weird? If he just takes this kid’s clothes off? He doesn’t even know how old she is or if she even did the spell herself. He sits up, pondering for a minute. 

He walks to the middle of the room, toeing his way around in the dark; he can barely see. 

Carefully, he grasps the hem of the hoodie and pulls it over himself. Then, he shirks off each of the t-shirts until his fingers are poised delicately over a bare stomach. He reaches up to the garment on his chest, pulling it off of the skin a bit. The fabric snaps back with force. It’s some sort of elastic tank top. He raises his arms and pulls it off of himself.

He goes to the dresser and feels around in the drawer until he finds an oversized shirt. He puts it over himself, relieved to have something over the skin now. He opens the bottom drawer and finds a pair of sweatpants.

He has to tell himself that, in this instance, it’s probably okay. It’s not his fault that he’s in a different body. He strips the pants off and finds that he’s wearing a pair of boxers—odd for a girl—but it makes Sam feel more comfortable as he feeds this person’s legs through the holes of the sweatpants.

Sam takes a breath. He feels better, though he thinks sleep won’t be in the cards tonight.

_** __________ ** _

**__** _Fionn._

Fionn wakes with a start, realizing what he’s done. He looks around wildly for a moment, still scared that Sam in his body will walk straight through the door, and Fionn will be as good as dead. But no such thing happens. Dean is asleep in the other bed across the room. He’s sprawled out on his stomach, face buried his pillow. The feeling creeps up on him again, that deep, fearful _oh god what have I done_ feeling, but he pushes it down. 

Fionn rests his hands on his stomach, and he remembers all over again that he’s not himself. He marvels at the hardness of the torso. He gets up and dresses himself, throwing on one of Sam’s flannels. He likes the way it fits. It doesn’t just fall off of him like he’s made of bones. He feels strong, adept. Fionn grins, pulling on a jacket. 

_** __________ ** _

When Dean finally sits up, rubbing his eyes, Fionn is already at the table looking through Sam’s research. “Up already, Sammy?” Dean says, “Kinda early.”

“I have a lead,” Fionn says, happy he’s facing away from Dean, so his giddiness doesn’t show. The case they’re working on is a local legend, one Fionn happens to know a lot about. He can do this. He can do a _hunt_. All they have to do is go to where she’s buried, which Fionn knows by the way, and burn her. On second thought, that seems kind of gross. He’s sure he’ll get over it. Fionn hasn’t known Dean for very long, but he has a feeling they might get along. 

“A lead? On what?”

“I think I figured out where she’s buried.” Fionn hears Dean get out of bed with a yawn. 

“Well, let me shower and we’ll hit the road.”

Fionn nods. “Sounds good.”

_Holy shit._


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Misgendering, Consent Issues (Regarding Body Switching), Homophobic Language

_ Fionn. _

While Dean’s in the shower, Fionn looks around the room, fishing in Dean’s bag for his phone.

Five missed calls. The phone’s at the bottom of the duffel, so Fionn prays Dean just hasn’t looked at his phone yet. He tucks it into his pocket. But a guy like Dean probably has a couple phones…Fionn snatches the keys off the nightstand and goes out to the car.

He unlocks the door and slides into the passenger seat. Okay, so...Where would someone keep extra cell phones? Glove compartment. He pulls on the latch in front of him and sees that he’s right.

Great. Now, if he can just hold off the calls from a frantic Sam, he can finish the hunt with Dean and switch them back before Dean even notices.

_** __________ ** _

_Sam._

As expected, Sam hasn’t slept except for a quick dozing here and there in the night. When the sun comes up, he decides that he’s had enough and goes to snoop around the kid’s room. He finds a wallet and a phone in the drawer of the nightstand. He stuffs the phone into his pants pocket and opens the wallet. He rummages through it, his fingers closing around a card—driver’s license.

It says the kid’s name is Nita, and she’s 5’8.” “ _Am I only 5’8” now?_ ” Sam wonders, but he brushes the thought away, turning his attention back to the license. Okay, so she’s eighteen. That, at least, makes him feel a bit better about the situation, not that there’s anything good about it.

He rummages through her bookcase, knocking over some of her knick knacks in the process. There is an alarming amount of _Star Wars_ merch. He looks down and realizes that the shirt he’d picked out in the night had a picture of Luke Skywalker on it. “Nerd,” he scoffs.

There’s nothing interesting on the shelves, so he shifts attention to the bed. Of course. They always hide stuff under the bed. He kneels beside it and reaches his hand underneath, feeling for anything that could be suspicious. His hand hits a box, and he pulls it out, opening it.

At first, it seems there’s not much of anything interesting in it. Just a journal and a bunch of drawings that, if Sam is honest, aren’t bad at all. Most of them picture a buff warrior with long, flowing curls. One of them reads, _Fionn: Hunter. Warrior._ at the top. The _Fionn_ in question is standing on a mountain, his hand resting on the head of a huge, shaggy dog. It looks pretty cool.

Sam brushes the drawings away to reveal a dagger at the bottom of the box, along with other occult writings. So, it’s just like he thought, then. This girl must be into some shady stuff. It was probably her that did the swap. But again, why? Did she know who Sam was? Was that why she targeted him? And even so, what did she want with his body?

He can’t find anything in the papers about a body swap spell, so he gives up and stalks over to the mirror, a part of him hoping he’ll magically look like himself again. He doesn’t. The person in the mirror has light brown skin and cropped black hair—shorter than his own. She looks long and thin and nothing like Sam.

Sam pulls the phone out of the sweatpants and dials Dean. Voicemail. “Dean, it’s Sam. Call me as soon as you get this...This is going to sound crazy, but...I think I’m in the wrong body.”

_** __________ ** _

Fionn tries not to stare or smile too much at Dean once they get in the car. It’s an awesome car. It occurs to Fionn suddenly that he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, and he’s worried about what his face looks like now that he’s consciously trying not to smile. _Stay calm_. Dean must notice his fidgeting, because he looks over and says, “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird.”

Fionn sucks in a breath and meets Dean’s eyes, his heart thumping. “Weird? What do you mean weird?”

Dean frowns. “Weird like...excited.”

“What, I can’t be in a good mood?” Fionn asks, shrugging. He hopes that will be the end of it.

Dean narrows his eyes, lingering on Fionn. “Whatever,” he sighs. He turns the key in the ignition and starts the radio.

A rock song starts playing through the speakers, and Fionn likes the sound of it. He drums his fingers against his knee. In a moment of impulse not unlike the one he had last night when he _shot_ Sam with a dart, he pipes up, “Hey, can you turn it up?”

Dean gives him another look. Shoot. That’s probably another thing Sam wouldn’t say. He’s going to get himself found out, isn’t he? “You sure?”

Fionn’s eyes widen, now a bit fearful. It seems like too small of a thing to be a test, so maybe Dean isn’t really onto him. He knits his mouth into a line and nods.

Dean reaches for the knob and turns up the music, loud. He bops his head to it.

Fionn smiles to himself as they drive away.

_** __________ ** _

_Sam._

Sam goes downstairs for breakfast at the behest of Nita’s mother’s incessant calling. He’d gotten dressed, putting on the same two shirts under a different hoodie. He decides not to try and bother with the tank top thing.

He realizes he’s hungry as soon as he sits down in front of the plate of eggs, but before he can lift the fork to his mouth, a man sitting across from him—Nita’s dad, presumably—clears his throat. “So are you just going to sit there and pretend like you’re not in serious trouble? Would you care to explain what you were doing last night?”

Sam’s jaw goes slack, as he looks around the table. The mom and dad look stern, probably trying to present themselves as a “united front” or whatever. Nita’s brother next to him looks down at his phone, smirking. “Uhh…” Sam tries, “I don’t know…”

“You _don’t know_?” Nita’s mother bursts. Nita’s brother stifles a laugh.

“Young lady, were you _drunk_?” Nita’s father interrogates. Do you have any idea what could have happened to you? I thought we had a plan. You’re going to get into a good school and—”

“Look,” Sam interrupts, determined to be finished with this conversation, “Have either of you seen me with an old, leatherbound book?” The spell had to be in a grimoire of some sort, and if Sam could find it, he could figure out how to reverse it.

Nita’s parents look to each other in confusion. “A what?” asks Nita’s mother.

Sam takes a bite of his eggs and sighs. “Never mind.”

_** __________ ** _

After his lovely conversation with Nita’s family, Sam goes back upstairs at the earliest opportunity, thinking maybe he can try Dean again, even though he knows he’s already tried all of their numbers, and that Dean and Sam’s double already checked out of the motel. They could be anywhere. Before Sam can allow his mind to race any further, he gets intercepted in the hallway.

“Are you okay?” asks Nita’s brother, laughing a little. He leans in the doorway of Nita’s bedroom. “I thought your special little book was top-secret. Why’re you telling Mom and Dad about it?”

So he’s right. There’s a spellbook. “Do you know where I keep it?”

_** __________ ** _

_Fionn._

Fionn figures that he shouldn’t be so enthusiastic about being in the basement of a haunted house, but he is. He can’t remember the last time he’s had so much fun. He shines his flashlight across the room. “Well, I’ll be damned,” Dean exclaims, “Willow moss.”

Willow moss. That sounds so familiar. Fionn wracks his brain. Right, of course. “It grows over witches' graves,” Fionn blurts.

Dean turns and gives Fionn a funny look. “Yeah…”

Dammit. That’s gotta be another strike against him. Why can’t he just shut up? He and Dean start to work digging up the grave. Normally, Fionn would be out of breath in seconds, but Sam’s body makes quick work of it.

Fionn scrunches up his nose when he catches sight of the body, climbing out of the hole. “Gross,” he mutters, but if Dean hears him, he makes no indication, pouring the salt and lighter fluid over the grave.

Fionn yelps when he’s thrown against the wall. A figure—the witch—apparates in front of him, looking about as disgusting as her corpse. “Sammy?” Dean looks up just as the witch closes her hands around Fionn’s throat, pinning him against the wall. “Fuck. Hold on, Sam.”

Fionn can’t breathe, and it’s not long before he starts to panic, gasping for air that won’t come. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to endure it for too long, because within a few seconds, Dean has already dropped the lighter. The ghost goes up in flames.

Fionn falls to the ground with a thud, grabbing at his neck. He gulps in air, and when he looks up, Dean is in front of him, offering his hand. Fionn takes it, letting himself be pulled up.

“You saved me,” Fionn breathes.

Dean sighs. “You’re my brother, Sammy. It’s my job.”

 _Brother._ No one’s ever called him that before. Fionn’s heart swells, and tears threaten his eyes. He hopes Dean can’t see in the dimness of the basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can expect the final chapter soon!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam figures out who he's in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Misgendering, Consent Issues (Regarding Body Switching), Homophobic Language

_ Sam. _

When Sam arrives at Nita’s school, he’s a bit overwhelmed. It occurs to him that he doesn’t actually know where her locker would be, or how he would even find out that information. He walks around aimlessly for a bit, getting lost in the before-school crowd of students.

He doesn’t spend much time being lost before two students, a boy and a girl, approach him on the staircase. The girl has bright red hair, gathered up in a ponytail. She wears a bright blue cardigan and clutches a few books in her arms. The guy has messy black hair and wears a red flannel, letting his bag hang loosely off his shoulder. He guesses they must be Nita’s friends. Though, he isn’t expecting how they greet him. “Hey, Fionn!” the guy says. Sam looks around, confused, but they’re looking directly at him. There’s no mistake.

“Nita…?” Sam tries, because, isn’t that the kid’s name?

The two of them share a worried look. “Fionn...are you okay?” the girl says. Sam remembers the drawing vaguely. Maybe that has something to do with it.

The boy’s mouth hangs open a bit, like he’s realized something. He pats the girl’s arm to get her attention. He wiggles his eyebrows at her—some secret code—then turns back to Sam. “Fionn...I’m really sorry. I know it’s hard when people call you that. But _we_ know you alright, dude?”

Sam blinks, unsure of what’s happening. He says nothing for a moment, trying to remember what his original task was. Right, the locker. He’s about to ask when the girl speaks again. “Listen, we heard about what happened last night...that the police found you. We just...want you to know that we’re here for you and…”

“And we don’t want you to do something dumb and hurt yourself, okay?” the boy finishes. Sam gapes at the two of them, then nods, finally. “Good.” The boy looks pleased.

“Hey…” Sam begins, not sure how to broach the subject that he is completely unfamiliar with this school, “I need to get to my locker…”

“I’ll walk you,” the boy chimes, a bit eagerly. The girl smirks at him, and he gives her an icy glare. “Come on, let’s go before the last bell.”

_** __________ ** _

The guy leads Sam to a set of lockers, and Sam thinks he’s...blushing? Alright, well, he doesn’t have time to unpack that. He’s still not sure which locker is...Fionn’s, and since this kid has already been so eager to help, he tries something. Sam gestures in the general direction of the lockers. “I, um, forgot the…combination.”

The boy frowns. “It’s 18, 23, 32.”

“Right, thanks…” It was a long shot, but he’s glad it worked. He still doesn’t know which one to try, so he reaches up to one of the locks and begins to turn it.

“Uhh…” the boy says, rocking on his feet a bit. He reaches out and moves Sam’s arm, placing his hand on the locker next to the one he’s trying. “It’s that one,” he chuckles, “Are you okay?”

No, Sam’s not okay. He’s about to feign an answer, when a voice comes from down the hallway, “‘Sup, dyke!” Sam turns his head to see some idiot walking by with a smirk on his face. He glares.

Fionn’s friend scoffs, reaching out to touch Sam on the shoulder. Their eyes meet. “Don’t listen to them, alright? You’re Fionn...And you’re a great guy.” Sam smiles, feeling oddly warm inside. He knows Fionn did a shitty thing, but...maybe he understands why now.

_** __________ ** _

Sam manages to get the book and leave the school before his, um, overly supportive friends catch wind of it and try to stop him. He finds the spell with ease—the page has been dog-eared, but there’s still a glaring problem: the spell requires both people to be present, and he still doesn’t know where Fionn is.

_ Fionn. _

Dean and Fionn go out for lunch after the hunt, and Fionn has another dumb smile on his face. It’s just too hard to act like this is just a normal day when it’s one of the best days of his life. “Dude, what is your deal today?”

Fionn tries to wipe the smile away. “I dunno, just...this is nice.”

Before Dean can say anything, a waitress comes to take their order, setting their drinks down. “What else can I get for you guys?” _Guys._ This is how it’s supposed to be, isn’t it? This is how he should feel all the time.

“Can I get a cheeseburger with extra bacon? And fry an egg on it too.” Dean says, sort of slyly, shifting his weight on his arm to get closer to her. Fionn thinks he’s flirting with the waitress. Does the waitress like him too? Probably. He wishes he knew how those sorts of things work.

The waitress looks to Fionn, and he’s caught off-guard, snapping back to the present. “Uhh...That sounds good, actually. I’ll have one too.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Since when do you eat bacon cheeseburgers?”

Shit. That’s gotta be another strike. He wonders how many more he has. “I dunno,” he shrugs, trying for nonchalant, “I thought I’d try it for a change.”

“Right…” Dean drawls.

Dean seems to loosen after he’s halfway into his burger and onto his second beer. Fionn watches him, smiling when he smiles, laughing when he laughs. He thinks he could cry, but he doesn’t. He nurses the beer and doesn’t drink it.

_Fionn._

When they get back to the motel, Dean calls him. “Hey, Sam?” Fionn turns, and Dean clocks him in the face, knocking Fionn out cold.

_** __________ ** _

Fionn wakes up tied to a chair, and he can’t even say he’s surprised. He supposes his experiment has run its course. He always knew it would, but he didn’t expect it to feel like this.

“You’re not Sam.” Dean grips Fionn by the collar. He lets go, and Fionn’s neck whips back. He winces as Dean holds up a silver knife, and a phone in the other, he plays Sam’s frantic messages about waking up in the wrong body. He guesses he missed one of the phones. Fionn looks down in shame. He knows the distress in Sam’s voice all too well. It wasn’t his place to inflict it.

“Either you start talking, or I start cutting,” Dean grits out, throwing the phone on the bed.

In the past day, Dean’s given him everything he’s ever wanted from his own family: acceptance, assurance, _kindness_. And now, Dean’s looking at him—straight in the eye—with disgust, betrayal, utter rejection. It hurts too much. It probably hurts more than the knife in Dean’s hand will. Staring at the blade clenched in Dean’s hand, Fionn weighs for a moment whether this whole thing was worth it. It was.

Fionn can’t help it. He loses it, and a sob escapes him. “I’m sorry,” he manages. “I’m sorry I—”

Dean tilts his head, like he wasn’t expecting Fionn to break down so easily, but then he steadies himself. “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m Fionn,” Fionn says in a small voice. “I’m sorry, okay...Jesus, my parents are going to kill me.”

Dean halts. “Parents? How old are you?”

“I-I’m, eigh-teen,” Fionn says, trying to steady his breaths. It’s not working.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Great, he’s legal. What did you do to Sam?”

Fionn gulps. “I did a spell...to, to switch bodies. Look, Sam’s okay, alright? W-we can switch back. He’ll be fine. Just...please don’t hurt me.”

Dean frowns, like maybe all the self-pity is just too much for him. “Why?”

Fionn can feel the sobs coming back again, and he starts to shake. Dean hates him now. So would his parents when he told them, if he ever did. “I just...I wanted to know what it felt like.”

“What what felt like?” Dean asks, lowering the knife.

“To look like...how I feel.” Dean squints, and Fionn knows he has to elaborate if he doesn’t want to get knifed. “I’m...I’m a guy but...my body doesn’t look like...a guy’s should.”

Dean raises his eyebrows, staring for a second before running a hand over his face. “Kid, what did you do?” is all he says.

_** __________ ** _

_Sam._

Dean had finally, _finally_ called back. Sam had picked up on the first ring, immediately telling Dean everything he could remember that only the two of them knew. He stands now, in front of his own body, which is tied up. Sam grips the spellbook, and he’s not sure how he feels at all.

Dean looks between then. “Alright, the spell? Let’s get this over with.”

“Uhh…” Fionn says in a meek voice. “I need to be untied...for the spell.”

Sam gives Dean a curt nod of approval, and Dean shakes his head, like he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. He does it anyway.

_ Fionn. _

When the spell is over, Fionn’s hands go to his chest. His face falls, and he has to bite the inside of his lip to keep from crying. _It’s okay_ , he thinks. It’s a frail attempt to soothe himself, and it doesn’t work. When he finally looks at Sam, who’s sitting on the floor across from him, there’s sympathy in his eyes.

Dean looks on from the corner, arms crossed. Fionn can’t quite make out whether or not Dean wants to kill him. He probably does. And Fionn would deserve it. “So...w-what’re you going to do to me now?”

There’s a pause, and Dean, still stone-faced, says, “We’re taking you home, kid.”

_ Sam. _

Sam opens the door for Fionn when they pull into the driveway of his house. He gets out shakily, arms wrapped around his waist, uncomfortable, and it breaks Sam’s heart. He knows how it feels now. Fionn looks up at Sam, eyes wide, “I’m scared,” he says. Sam doesn’t know what to say.

“You wanna be a man, Fionn?” Dean asks, leaning with his forearms on top of the car. His voice is stern, but his eyes are kind. It’s the way Dean used to talk to Sam as a kid. His encouragement voice.

Fionn turns to Dean, looking almost frightened. He nods. “Then you go inside and you own up to what you did.” Dean pauses. “But don’t let them tell you who you are.”

Fionn turns to Sam again, and Sam thinks he wants reassurance. “He’s right. Oh, and…” Sam remembers the exchange with Fionn’s friend in the hallway. “Your friend? He likes you. You should ask him out.”

“Really?” Fionn asks.

“Definitely.” He pauses. “ _Hunter warrior._ ”

Fionn turns away, rubbing at his neck. “You saw that, huh?”

_** __________ ** _

Back in the car, Sam turns to Dean. “Hey, Dean?”

“Yeah, Sam?” Dean asks, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion.

“Gender is weird.”

Dean chuckles. “Okay, Sammy.” He starts the car, and rock music fills Sam’s ears. It’s way too loud.

“Hey, turn it down.”

_** __________ ** _

_Fionn._

Fionn watches from the driveway as they go. He thinks—well, he _hopes_ —that everything will be okay.

Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That it, folks! I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did! Stay tuned, because I have another spn fic in the works...
> 
> \- rosepose

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're enjoying/have enjoyed this! If you did, drop a comment! 
> 
> I'm not FTM myself, but I identify as non-binary, and I've done my best to present this OC respectfully. If there were any mistakes I made, please let me know.


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